Look, this is just a blog.  I write with little regard for proper technique, or rules of grammar... i'm basically an untrained novice writer who started blogging as a form of therapy once the covid-era began, and my livelihood changed forever... i split up this web-site to have a section geared toward my political opinions and complaints, and another one for my philosophical and religious opinions, but this page is just the blog part... with that said--I write for my own mental-health, as history for my family, and for anyone else that cares to read... i like to consume information, process it for a bit, and regurgitate while connecting some useful patterns... and, i complain a lot, too... the Reader should understand that i'm a world-class complainer... respectfully yours, chris.

 September 2024

  09-28-24:  i've read the definition of the term 'argument ad hominem' months--maybe years ago, but forgot, until I began the philosophy class… I’m learning many new big-boy words now that i’m back to school… Argument ‘ad hominem' attacking the credibility and character of the person--or group--rather than the substance of their point/complaint/argument...

 ... it's quite easy to engage in, and often used by media pundits, politicians, comedians... it's an easy way to distract one's attention away from truth, and to deflect from one's own failures, responsibilities, sins, and reality...

 ... the ad hominem might be based on truth, a gross exaggeration of the truth, prior sins, previous ignorance, or completely fabricated to further the distraction effects of the attack...

 ... besides the obvious distraction and deflection problems (maybe not so obvious for those who love entertainment, audacity, and tribal team-sports), here's another consideration--one which might hit home to Christians, addicts, reformed former convicts, and those who have learned from their former moral failures and previous actions--most people evolve/change over time. If you don't die while making stupid mistakes, we eventually grow to understand right from wrong, and why our previous attitudes and behaviors are not sustainable, and why we were wrong, otherwise we remain in fringe groups outside of the peace and mutual-respect loving general public...

 ... if the subject of the ad hominem attack is still actively participating in overly selfish, or criminal behavior, then fine... attack the shit out of them... however, if the subject has repented/changed/turned from their previous life-style, then the topic of the attack is off the table... I dunno, maybe unless it's with a bunch of buddies giving each other the business and joking around as guys like to do... we like to bust on each other for comedy-sake, it's a guy-thing...

 ... what about you? what's the worse thing that you've ever done? If you are like most folks you don't love to remember and dwell on the worse things that you have ever done, especially if we know we were wrong, and are embarrassed by our previous actions, and made the decision to not be a selfish asshole anymore. do you expect your peers to view you through a never ending filter of the worse things that you have done, things that you know negatively impacted, or, hurt others? I know some spiritual-idiots that frequently use ad hominem attacks against people they don't like, conveniently forgetting about their own sins, and filthy/sketchy past... some low-hanging fruit is what some folks call 'Trump Derangement Syndrome.' The self-delusion that they are morally superior to the former president (and anyone else they disagree with) based on the information/news they consume, their sense of what's right or wrong, and how bad they suffer from Dunning-Kruger Syndrome--an unhealthy percentage of self-awareness which tips too much on the delusion side of the scale...

 ... Most of the folks that I know who fall under this category are unchurched folks. They consider churchy folks to be pious/self-righteous, yet they judge others based on their own spiritual-idiocy, and distorted perception of reality; essentially becoming pious in their own right, based on a set of morals and ethics that they have formed without religious considerations, and can never live up themselves... the guy who brought multiple 'lovers' to get abortions and would go on to abandon his eventual wife and child, encouraging murder, and running from personal responsibility, while being fixated/consumed attacking Trump's former actions... or maybe the guy who totaled his parents car as a teen via DUI, and continued to drink and drive--knowingly putting other people's safety and lives in jeopardy even decades later... Hillary Clinton (possessed agent of chaos) that is incapable of telling the truth outside of her closest circle, she's an upper-management level cult leader, progressing her way up the ladder of world government empire--the trendy thing to those who need a sense of belonging and purpose, but willing to great lengths of deceit and destruction of others to exercise their thirst for more power, wealth, and influence--projecting her sins on the former president... all unchurched people, yet feel perfectly fine judging other folks words, actions, and behaviors through the filter of their own moral hypocrisies, mostly with ad hominem attacks, forgetting their own imperfections and sins, assuming they know more than anyone else but those you feed them news and information... conveniently dismissing their own

 ... although non-churchy folks don't appreciate Christian references (because they are deaf/dumb/blind to aspects of reality, playing 'i can't see you, so you can't see me' with God) there are a handful of bible verses that come to mind that I would share despite their resistance to truth:

  •    The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin." --   John 8:3–11 (NIV).

  •    “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? “Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye. -- Luke 6:41–42 (NASB)

 ... even if you don't think that Jesus was the prophesied Messiah, or, was God's way of experiencing life as a human -- the whole human experience; and used the opportunity to straighten out some 'religious customs, practices, philosophies, instruction that weren't kosher -- so He used the opportunity to give 'on the job training' in logic and reality to a bunch of regular people who had ears to hear, eyes to see, minds to eventually understand, and mouths to teach the things that God taught them while He walked amongst men, women--His creation...

 ... even if you don't think that God chose the form of human flesh so He could experience what pain, excitement, depression, joy, and a rather nasty way to then physically die...

 ... even if you don't think God made some huge yet humble statement through the person known mostly as Jesus, and showing people a better philosophy to live their lives by, a sustainable philosophy when actually applied to all of humanity...

 ... even you don't think that God offered a way of reconciling and connecting with Him through a formal acknowledgment of Him, and what He's done--accepting the reality of God via. the one who literally showed how to 'agape/phileo love our neighbors' via. mutual kindness, respect, hospitality, humbleness, and gratefulness to God for extending life, intelligence, creativity to us, and giving us the ability to create with our resources and intelligence, to procreate, and give life to future generations, and to share our intelligence to future generations...

 ... even if you don't think that those aspects of the Christian reality are true, you can't dodge the wisdom in what he preached (take a look at the "Love Chapter", and the "Fruits of the Spirit" as brief examples)... Jesus also preached that reality is a requirement for life... and the reality is that no one is perfect, that we all either have, or, are doing things to deflect/distort reality to justify our own delusion, dysfunction, 'survival instincts', or 'sin'... so the ad hominem attack presents a delusion--an act of attempting to distort reality by means of nonsense... and it's very easy to do...

 ... I have a particular gifting to be able to 'shit on' anyone about anything by pointing out anything out of the ordinary, it's really just a form of comedy, i'm a world-class wise-ass when I choose to be... but, I know it can be hurtful, and trigger many responses related to frustration by insecure folks... so I don't really do much of that anymore... but sometimes I'm motivated to so when I see agents of chaos who I know are trying to distort reality as a negative influencer...

 ... there is something of a sheep-dog quality to me that arises when I see distracting agents of chaos and deceit attempting to distort reality to influence (manipulate) others off of the path of reality and what's good in this world... these things bother me to no end... and that's when I go on the offensive, and triggered to write some of the things in my 'Political' section... and most of my earlier substack posts...

 ... my frustration doesn't end with the agents of chaos and confusion who present distortions of reality to mislead and distract people -- but my frustration extends to those who accept the false reality, and then are unwilling to consider aspects of reality that they are not considering, because they were ensnared/entranced by the influencer's script/presentation... some of the frustration is a type of intelligence gap, some folks have difficulty scaling multiple integers and theories to larger environments and scenarios/illustrations... but most can usually understand if they are willing to try to understand, and committed to the time that it takes to do so, by adapting your vocabulary and giving different examples most folks have the capacity to understand complex things... my fictitious conversation is something like, 'this is why you were persuaded/manipulated to form your opinion/view', 'these were the methods they used to fvck with your head', and 'these were the emotions they appealed to when implanting the suggested/distorted perception of reality'... but stubborn/lazy folks will choose to stay willfully ignorant, they are probably too busy being consumed by their own stressors/difficulties/obstacles/life-styles/world-view that reality is too much to consider...

 ... anyways... I wrote all of this to say that I'm a world-class expert in ad hominem attacks, they are easy, it's a gift that is easy to abuse, but helpful when calling out hypocrisy. And, now that I can see that it's used in logical arguments every bit at it is to slander one's political nemesis, it becomes more clear/relevant, etc...

 ... i appreciate the way that the philosophy folks put meaning to words and phrases that we already sort of know, but are used to calling it something different that made sense to us... ad hominem... who knew... I probably won't use it very often... it sort of rolls off the tongue like your humming, or maybe a religious chant... hominem hominem hominem homenimmm... i dunno, i suppose it sounds kinda cool after awhile...

 ... if you ask me why--a self-professed Christian--appreciates Donald Trump over any Democrat offered in the past thirty years, it's because they are too embedded and compromised to be independent against their network's desire to rule the world... if that sounds like a strong statement, good... if it sounds like a gross exaggeration, then you are a part of the thirty percent trapped in a figurative matrix, you are hypnotized, and should probably quit reading lest you give way to throwing ad hominem attacks my way (again for some of you), and then search for a list of all my sins and selfish actions--it won't take long to gather a lengthy list because i'm far from perfect, and i don't pretend to be... nor do i hold other people to the expectations that is super-human...

 ... for the rest of the reasonable readers... Trump is my compromise-choice for a CEO that is independent in major policy, has a pretty good bill-shit antenna (far from precise), and doesn't yield to the parts of government that are more concerned with self-preservation, willing to put millions of people in danger/jeopardy to make sure their 'business model' remains safe... demanding that citizenry buy into the distorted perception of reality, and brain-washing/hypnotizing those who can't see the world as it is, those who can't bare exposure to larger environments, and are conditioned to follow the narrative preached by their cult... fvcking with stupid, and easily persuadable people for your pleasure/delight, to stroke your ego by manipulating people that you are parasitic to is just plain mean...

 ... when spiritual-idiots, psychotic narcists that want to rule the world network together to do so--the world has a big problem. Democrats seem to have really bought into the business-model/cult of opportunities presented by world government, have partnered/networked/embraced with many exceedingly unsavory people who does not think that countries should be independent. The greater the authority/power, the more that authority is compromised for evil, self-serving purposes, at the expense of those who fall under that authority...

 ... when you notice policy-makers making asinine policy, policy which defies logic/reality, stating that that policy is good while appealing to compassion of the easily persuaded, and then attacking the folks who recognize breaches of reality all kinds of silly and shaming names, attacking their character not the content of their words, censoring them, and demanding that they are jailed or ostracized, saying that they are threats to a 'democracy' which has long been hijacked by those who have already accumulated success in the world government, and those who control it... when folks use all kinds of attack, and psychological manipulation tactics to delegitimize and trigger assassination attempts as a means to achieve their goals... that's a very good indicator that their idea of 'democracy' is a clever way of crying about their self-preservation, and business plans...

 ... so, if you ask me--someone who self-identifies as a Christian--why I would vote for a person with obvious moral flaws as a president to our representative government... it's a compromise to have someone that isn't interested in world-government membership, he's aware of the shenanigans that world agreements pose, and the consequences that Americans will have to endure as a result... Trump has already made his fortune, he's having a good time enjoying it, and isn't interested in the moral compromises and rewards presented by the world-government/influencer cultists...

 ... Democrats have learned to play America's systems against itself to the degree that they can put a senile man, or a woman who slept her way to the top as candidates, because they are popular enough to their team, and will do what they are told, which means doing the bid of an unelected world-government that creates it's own policies... that's why a brash, funny, tell it like it is guy who is an independent populist that threatens world-government plans by simply keeping America autonomous, an independent nation that isn't subservient to the collection of power that's pulling the strings behind the world-government proponents... my compromise for voting for an over-indulging man who may have had moments of moral-compromise for pleasure is that he doesn't seem to be one that sell America's independence for a sack of silver... Democrats and Deep-staters have been under the Judas Syndrome for decades, and have become ever more emboldened to score the ROI that the shot-callers demand... that's why I'm voting for the Trump/Vance ticket, and it's why I'm never voting Democrat—not until they can denounce, and expell the marxist, socialists, and communists from their network, and denounce a world-government agenda… the Dems have given too much power to those groups already...

 …  And if you wonder why someone who claims to be Christian writes to preach reality over the feelings of those whom I hurt, or with an occassional curse-word… well, I’m not perfect, and I don’t pretend to be; and living in reality is more important than the feelings of those who refuse to embrace it… unlike the well rehearsed, well dressed, and heavily sponsored candidates that pretend that they are perfect, very careful with every shallow word they preach… smiling at you, playing lip-service to your concerns, and carrying out the will of their sponsors, taking away our independence with every fake smile—the smile of a snake… Cheers. -- ct

  09-24-24: the problem with personality B-types is that they are generally 'too smart for their own good'... i use that term loosely most of the time, so I'll try to offer my definition of the term... being endowed with high IQ and understanding is either a genetic, or Creator 'gift'... without a loving and discerning mentor/teacher/parent that prioritizes the morals/ethics prescribed by most 'religions', i.e. 'acknowledge God', 'love your neighbor as yourself, aka 'mutual respect''... folks with higher than average IQ that often present personality-B traits are doomed to be distrupters of progression when sponsored by aristrocrat-types... too smart for their own good... intelligent folk who become the useful idiots of those who wish to expand their kingdom/network/borders/wealth/warped-egos... they seem to be the personality types that are most exploited by the posessed elite-class of geopolotical douche-bags... the d-bags in question receive much ROI from spiritual imbecils that seek emotional and material progression...
 ... just some thoughts about another long-format post... check out political ponorology substack for more dense reading on this subject... cheers -- ct
  09-20-24:  this is more of a note-to-self, a reminder for a future project regarding a few things that have been stewing in the noggin... when local LEOs went door-to-door to let us know that BLM activists would be at the Town Hall the following day... turned out to be a big nothing, but for the folks that spoke their thoughts out loud for a little while... the LEOs seemed to be more concerned for local reactions to their presence (maybe)? ... acivists that just speak their minds without screwing with any folks around them are fine; but the ones who bring instigators and intimidators are problematic... they are the organized activists that usually have plenty of 'media' with them to record confrontations to use as propaganda for their larger agandas; they aim to trigger violent reactions to their ass-holedness on camera...
 ... some day i'll put more thoughts and details into it, but just had another insight, so wanted to make the notes; it's relevant to political season, and the douche-bags that sponsor/instigate such activities before, during, and after... not including their useful idiots that truely believe in the merits of their cause, and demands for change.  --  ct

  09-20-24 later:  I forgot something that I wanted to note, I was distracted just after the thought, and apparently not in strong enough level of cognition to remember it... it'll come back soon enough.  It was unexpected, and something of a distracting thought stimulated from reading.  Trying to follow my thought-process that led up to the inspiration seems futile, and a good exercise to see how weird I am... mmm'aNNN, does my thought-process jump in many obscure ways when the noggin get's stimulated; that's some of the asberger-like tendencies that i operate under--sometimes it's useful, other times quite distracting... Please don't ask why i was thinking about something, i probably got ADD'd through a bunch of different dimensions that led me to that thought, and it's a painful exercise to try to recall how i got there... and sometimes still doesn't yeild the original thought that i was trying to remember... good grief... but, it'll come back in due time, it was good enough to want to jot down in the first place.  --  ct
  09-17-24:  it's a quiet day full of reading, writing, and study... and some required breaks in between.  --  ct

  09-17-24 later:  from a warfare perspective, supplying the 'enemy' with ordnance-packed pagers, and then remote-trigering all of the pagers in a simultaneous attack is a bit brilliant... wonder how they were able to supply the mini-bombs to Hezbulla... how they got them to accept the bombs without suspect... maybe the folks from "Fauda" intercepted the delivery vehicle?  It was a pretty ballsy operation that appears to have been pretty successfull... certainly not a check-mate, but a seemingly impossible move (series of moves) that left my jaw open for a minute after reading one of the news articles... it might not be ethical to conduct warfare at it's core, but this operation fits the bill for a type of brilliance.  --  ct
  09-16-24:  still avoiding political consumption, I know the DNC/Deep-state cult tried to kill Trump again, but i'm more interested in school-work/study than my former favorite past-time... so i'm abstaining from commentary, and content-creation because i'm not really consuming much of the nonsense lately... changing priority to something that agrees with my blood-pressure, and mood....
 ... school is good for a bunch of reasons, not the least of which is help with writing -- it forces me to comply to certain standards, with speficic criterea to meet for each essay, and avoids some of the need for motivation when you typically rely on inspiration anf creativety to dictate a new project... that means that the pace is already pre-defined, and there are plenty more projects already lined up... not sure when i'll work on new projects, but I do get inspired sometimes... I've got a few sermon-types of things... and then sometimes the assigned reading connects the final dots with something that's been brewing in my mind too long to keep ignoring, so that's how some of the inspiration comes... inspiration for writing projects seems to come in lots of ways really... but it's all an idea based on a series of ideas... what inspires those ideas... sometimes we attribute them to God, sometimes it's based on our current state/set and a triggerring reaction... sometimes it's to acheive some goal... sometimes you have no idea, but it just seems cool to consider/consume/evaluate/ponder... school takes a bit of the love for writing out of the writing, but it provides structure, guidence, and plenty of new things for contemplation... it's also sort of like a new vehicle for content creation, content for specific purposes.  --  ct

  09-16-24 later:  OK, i gave in, and wrote something that might sound something political in nature, but it isn't really; it's just to make something in current events a bit more clear... I wrote in in the politics section of this crummy web-bloggy thing that you are reading... just a note--this shitty (sporadic execution) web-editing product hasn't had it's shitting (more source database) spell-check feature working in over a week now... so now you get to read how I actually spell/mis-spell common and not so common words... nothing like a bit more transparency for the reader... cheers  --  ct
  09-11-24:  not making any commentary on 9/11, or on the presidential debate.  I've got another busy weekend (two in a row), and i'm falling behind in school work to boot.  Gonna read a couple of chapters, finish the PPT assignment, and call it a night.  Got an early Dr appt that invloves almost two hours of driving mid-morning, and then a drive to pick up a loved one in the afternoon--which takes about four hours... God, please do a miracle in my wee-little mind.  --  ct
  09-09-24:  it's a birthday of a loved-one today, she's back to college now.  I pray that you make great use of this opportuniy's potential, as your learning environment changes, evolves, and increases... God bless you...
  ... I made a few updates to the post below, additional info that I wanted to add that was useful to the post as a whole... I added additional information to cubensis therapy, as well as additional info regarding post-therapy insight...
  ... OK, gonna get back to study, I have a paper to write that I haven't been able to find a source that fits the description of the assignment, I've been hung-up for days over it during the two-hours windows that I've been devoting to it... not sure why it's so hard.  --  ct

  09-06-24 updated:  last night's cubensis therapy (3.75g Albino A+) went well, began around 7:pm, the medicine was pre-activated in lemon juice, with a Johnny Walker chaser shot. The overall theme seemed to be 'acceptance'. How do you feel? My answer was 'accepted'. Took a tea-prepared bumper of approximately 3g around midnight... eventually there was some sleep between then and 9:am when I finally got out of bed. Despite the little sleep I feel pretty good today... I'm looking forward to the serotonin regulation and positive neural affects. My eyes were closed maybe 98-percent of the time in therapy, and with eyes closed there were some pretty cool visuals, and it was another pleasant therapy. I'll repeat in about 2-3 weeks (maybe without the midnight bump)... unless the creek rises before then. So far it's been the best treatment for TRD/PTS, with little to no side-effects, and offers much better cognitive functioning as evidenced in reading comprehension, and not getting overwhelmed when taking in lots of stimuli. Time will tell if the results were better than the Golden Teacher therapy about six months ago--which resulted in several positive affects, enough so that when I noticed my cognitive decline about three months ago I began to search for a source to repeat the therapy... A+ and Golden Teacher are two different 'strains', but both psylocibe cubensis; the part that removes this treatment from any true scientific value is that both fruits have various alkaloids, many overlapping alkaloids, but unknown/untested levels of each one. Psilocybin is generally the largest that is measured, and thought to have the most contribution to therapy. Once metabolism of the psilocybin begins it converts to Psilocin, which is able to bind to some of our Serotonin receptors... and that's when the so-called 'magic' of the therapy begins. Some strains already naturally occuring psilocin, which I assume would cause faster--yet more mild affects, that mildness transitions to the so-called 'trip' that begins when the psilocybin is finally converted to psilocin, and the therapy typically found in 3.5mg begins. The other alkaloids found in various strains of cubensis and it's cousins of psychedelic remedies also contribute to the over-all therapy, but I don't know enough about them yet to speculate, but assume that it's similar to the theory of cannabis' 'entourage effect'... purists who would rather consume whole bud because it contains many other cannabinoids that (that extraction processes can strip) is also naturally occurring in the same plant; therefore, should help to metabolize or assist the other well-known cannabinoids; therefore, should also be consumed with the therapy due to it's naturally/inherently derived value. With all that said... so far so good, but I don't have as noticeable cognitive functioning as I remembered from the GT therapy of six months ago--perhaps that happened in time--but, I didn't document a time-line last time, I was just inspired to write a book about some of the realities involved in psychological talk-therapy, and stages of progression in therapy, and healing to the point where we are using our God-given gifts to help make the world a better place than we inherited it by serving, mentoring, teaching, laboring , etc. This time, nothing dramatic at all... other than a strong take-away of the sense of being accepted, greatly accepted... that was a sort of question that came to me late in the therapy... 'how do you feel'? ... based on what was going on my mind at the time, my response was 'accepted, very accepted'... Acceptance is just one step in a relationship, and something that I'll have to ponder in time... acceptance, and relationships... authenticity is something that's been bouncing around my head for the past ten years or so... when we are more concerned about image that we prevent ourselves from being humble, genuine, and engaged  then we have a barrier from embracing reality, and it makes relationships difficult sometimes/many-time/regulary... maybe somehow those things tie-together for another sermon/essay... hmmm. [UPDATE] I just saw some notes joted on a white-board. I jotted them down while listening to former cult members speak about how some of the cult's positive relationship/pull made them feel, and also noted some of the ways they described how they felt which eventually drove them away, and in retrospec a decade or so later... there's something about 'relationship' that binds them together; and somehow expresses the Father's heart, to some degree... and there is something about the missing piece/barrier to a non-believer that can't grasp the sense of a 'relationship' with something that they can't see, that already knows everything about them, so they can begin their relationship with God with a genuine authentic 'acceptence' of who you are right now... what sorts of things do you want to ask for understanding... what ways can you begin to use your new found relationship in conjunction with your skills and knowledge to assist others -- or even their church if it's a good one -- and maybe what sorts of changes you might realize that aren't healthy, and should change... generally speaking, the beginning of your relationship with God might be something like an epiphany of sorts, especially when you consider forgiveness and redemption, and how far you may have strayed, or how selfish or damaging you might have been... I suggest the Jesus-centric approach to a better understanding of God's heart, and general expectations which lead to sustainable practices where we consider the consequences of our actions so that we don't do something that will negatively impact other folks, and assisting other folks with some of your time/resources/energy, etc... There's something about forgiveness for the consequences of our previous negative actions--or re-actions--that you will also discover about Jesus as you pursue this idealogy... there is something about the freedom to live your life with a new role-model, and way of looking at life through various perspectives... there is something about loving your God with the same sort of way that you love people who you appreciate, even though you might not 'see' God in His entirety, or understand how everything works... maybe there is something like that in there too... my PHIL240 class is a bit difficult, maybe it's because it's more about debate rather than what we do with the information of God's existence, God's expectations of the two most important commandments, and the exampls of the other other one's for more practicle application... what do you do with the new experience of really loving your God with as much as you can surrender during various stages of your journey... how do you use the information that you now feel and understand, how do you help return the favor, so to speak; how do you use your gifts to include some type of servantude to help serve creation out of thanks/gratitude for Creator... maybe something about that... I'm not into the arguing, I assume that people want to embrace reality, and want to get along with progress... to progress back to sustainable actions and behaviors that don't have negative impact on creation/humanity, but positive impacts that don't compromise the enviornment that future generations will inherit... when we are reconciled to God we aren't actively doing things that will negatively impact His creation, and the people that we have to share it with... maybe something like that... who knows, time will tell...

  ... back to 9/6:

  ... picked up Sarah from school for the weekend yesterday... it's a four-hour journey to get there and back. Josiah comes home tonight for a week and a half, he picked another great time to come home, a wedding and his sister's baptism, good stuff right there. The weekend will be full...
  ... update on 9/9...
  ... it was a full weekend, but not crazy-busy, or too over-stimulating... it was a nice paced weekend, for those of us who don't expect to sleep ten-plus hours per night--shortening the proper prep-time to meet the schedule... it was awesome to have all three kids home for the second long-weekend in a row... the wedding was a nice service, the pastor's instruction/eduction was good, the vows weel thought-out, the music selection was nice, and the bride and groom were genuinely happy at their commitment and acheivement of marraige...
  ... then we had a nice lunch reception of sorts to celebrate at a seafood resturant that I really like... wedding was at Kittery Point, and then Rte 1 Kittery for lunch... then we went to mother in-law's house Ogunquit to hang-out and spend time with extended family from out of town that we don't see often enough... we spent the night in Ogunquit, had salad and pizza for supper, some games, followed by an adequite night's sleep... I got up bewfore everyone else, had some coffee and read until other awoke... we said some good-byes, and then back to home church for the 10:30 service followed by my youngest daughter's baptism, she's the one that just turned nineteen... a bunch of church family came to watch, we took some pictures and videos, said some good-byes, and back to the home to hang-out and eat before the travels began... wife and oldest daughter drove extended family to the airport, and my son and I drove my youngest daughter back to college... bust weekend, but not super/crazy weekend, it was the family and friends that made it all special, and possibly the God that influences sustainable concepts like fruitful relationships with friends and family, even though I'm an introvert that requires quiet alone time, and feel a bit starved of it when we have busy and long weekends... I did fit in some quiet and study time when folks were asleep, and when they went to the beach, I abstained because I had required reading and study and assignments that demanded attention, but I also used the quiet time to rejuvinate, and get my bearings. -- ct
  09-05-24:  weird start to the day, all routines thrown out of whack... lot's of responsabilities and other people's schedules to contend with... it's all good, but difficult to manage along with new study responsabilities.  I'm going to have to detach from loved ones the next few days to squeeze in some study, I need to improve studies, I get side-tracked with all of the details thrown at you, which stuff is really neccesary to commit to memorization, and what's the areas of focus that the profs are trying to get us to really think about, so i'm not really studying effectively, it's still a bit of chaos.  Should be able to get a cubensis-therapy in tonight, before this weekend's activities begin... we've got a wedding on Laura's side of the family, her widowed step-mom to be exact... out of town family to spend time with, all three of our off-spring home until Sunday evening, then we still have our son home for another full week after the busy weekend.  Finances are still distracting to the mind/soul, without Laura's pay we would sink further into the hole this month, as we did the last few months... her first pay-day is tomorrow, so less anxiety.  --  ct
  09-04-24:  Dell computers didn't like my review, they asked me for one, but they never posted it.  I don't think it was strongly worded, no foul language, just an honest review based on three weeks of experience with this monster.  It's the touch-pad that sucks; it's hidden, very senesitive, and over-sized... so the base of my thumbs keep sliding accross it, or depressing the button... the cursor jumps around on me, and I end up typing over previously written work; anyways, here's what I wrote:

Decent machine, bad touch-pad
Everything but the touchpad and keyboard seems to be great. The completely hidden and over-sized touchpad is a big source of frustration. The keyboard isn't terrible, but the esc - delete keys aren't keys at all; they look very cool, but offer no tactile feedback. The OLED touch-screen is brilliant, and everything is as fast as expected. But the touchpad is an obstacle that I didn't anticipate, and it makes the $1900 a bitter pill to swallow.

  Not sure why they took offense to it, I wasn't mean, it just wasn't overly positive, or favorable... censorship prevents people from knowing what they ought to know... the laptop is a good working machine, I've got it set-up and tuned, using it everyday now for the past week... my only complaint is the touchpad... I don't mind the fact that it only takes USB-C connectors, they sent it with a little converter that takes USB, or HDMI, plus I had a couple of USB to USB-C connectors, so that didn't bother me too much... but the touch-pad that makes my cursor jump around the screen with no warning is an obstacle, I suppose it's a clean/sleek/less-is-more simple asthetic-design, but with negative consequences for real-world use... it makes one want to use an external keyboard and mouse, which is exactly what I've begun weening into now.  I've got the wireless mouse going already, but haven't took out my favorite USB wired keyboard due to it's size, and my work-space limitations, but the tactile feedback on it is awesome, and it's backlit--which helps a hunt-n-hitter quite a bit.  It's powerful enough to be a desk-top replacement--which is basically how I use it most of the time--so I'll be using the full-sized external devices on it, and probably getting a USB-C portable monitor to pair it with once finances allow.
  Not sure why this bugged me as much as it did, censorship because feedback isn't as flattering as desired is sort of an ass-hole thing to do, and I guess I was just surprised by it.  I'm truth/reality-centric, so don't ask me for my opinion unless you are healthy enough to receive it... I'm not always this harsh, but financing $1900 isn't cheap where I come from, it's a substantial investment, and my expectations weren't really met, so I'm compromising what I expected to do with something that I didn't neccesarily want to do, using full-sized hardware with a laptop.
  OK, I think I'm done complaining... it's time for school-work/study.  --  ct

  09-04-24 later: I like this bit from a book by Ellis we are reading for UNIV104 class "One of the brain’s primary jobs is to manufacture images. We use mental pictures to make predictions about the world, and we base much of our behavior on those predictions."

  Some folks call it 'predictive-modeling', we don't always put much thought into how we are doing things, but our actions/behaviors are based on our observations/processing of our environment, calculated with prior experiences/education, and then using predictive-modeling to produce a series of sub-sequent actions based on our desired outcome--what we want to do, or how we will react... we do zillions of calculations that we don't consider as calculations, we just do it... how I will grab my can of juice-flavored seltzer, with the opening facing the direction that I anticipate my mouth engaing with, etc. Cool topic to ponder... and so is peripheal-vision... we use predictive-modeling to complete series of actions and re-actions based our our observations, laws of nature/physics, cause and affect, and calculations of our environment, so how much of our environment we observe effects what we process--are you narrow-focussed, or wide-lens... I'm what they call hyper-vigilent, and wide-view lense, and subject to over-stimulation/exhaustion as a result, too much stimuli gets messy and feels chaotic... think of the term 'situational awareness'--just as a parents pull their child to safety if about to get hit by something, even adults don't always pay attention to their surroundings, and need to be saved sometimes. Our perception of reality is based largely on health... there is also sleep and hydration levels which contribute to cognitive/processing-level, genetics, past experiences, education, motivations, and what we actually pay attention to in various sized environments that are also factors... I can think of plenty of others as well... but I love the topic that the book's statement makes, it gets the wheels turning... maybe a bit of friction as the nuerons fire-up.   --  ct

  09-04-24 laterer:  I'm going to rewrite my previous PHIL240 essay, not because I need to, but because I want to... I don't feel like I really finished the assignment, I turned in an adequit assignment as far as thought and execution is concerned, but I didn't really answer the question--so to speak... so, I'll do that on my own tonight, just to know that I know what the prof. asked us to accomplish, and I know that I didn't really do it, but I did give a mini-sermon--or outline for one--I must have written it when I got frustrated by some of the atheist influencers try in vane to try to circumvent the WHO and WHAT questions of creation with their own theories... they are all pretty intelligent people, but Dunning and Kruger can slap the shit out of everyone from time to time, sometimes for dysfunctionally long seasons.  --  ct

  09-04-24 more later:  Hind-sight is telling me that the transition back to schooling would have been easier if I started with Comp, and the UNIV104 course -- and mid-Sept would have been better than mid-Aug to begin... instead of a 100-level composition I got a 240 Philosophy/Christian Apologetics due to credit for an Intro to Psych 100-level course that I took over thirty years ago... I think the advisor that signed me up for the 240-class thought they were helping me, but maybe didn't consider the fact that it was my forst semester back in thirty-something years, and my noggin's got a bit of rust to shake loose, and I don't have crap for academic writing skills just yet... but here we are, maybe it's better to get thrown into the fire a bit for the shock-value... at least the prof. isn't making us write tons of papers, although maybe I would have enjoyed that better--who knows.  --  ct
  09-03-24:  Here's a good relevant quote from another assigned reading project from the UNIV104 class:

"SDL [Self-directed Learning] can be difficult for adults with low-level literacy skills
who may lack independence, confidence, internal motivation, or resources."
TEAL Center Fact Sheet No. 11: Adult Learning Theories (2011)

  In my case I would say it's spot-on in every point... I more or less quit on school as a freshmen in American High-school, maybe even before that--in Junior High--low-level literacy skills. I wasn't interested in academics as an enjoyable hobby that I would try to make the most of, but viewed it as more of a neccesity in order to gain more freedom. I don't do well memorizing things/words/certain details, but I try to understand how it works, and how it works with other things, so I need some theory to begin with... what is this, and how does it work, and once satisfied that I have a decent overview, I then start focussing on details, and why they might be relevant to me, or to the operation. Sometimes I remember lot's of stuff, but other times I'm distracted, and then all bets are off...
  ... I also lack confidence because I know that I've had limited academic exposure, I probbably haven't even read the required reading metarial that most of my would-be peers understand as second-nature by now, and I don't even attempt to communicate in essay-style unless I'm motivated to do so for a writing project that I want to appeal to a different audience... otherwise, I write using mostly simple words, in a simple style, that rules of grammar and punctuation become less needy... I call in conversational creative-writing, but I don't know what it's really called, I just know that most folks who read it can understand it, despite my dis-regard for rules/standards, and obvious blunders. Sometimes I'm embarrassed by my writing, when it's crystal clear that I was in rough-draft mode, and made all kinds of crazy mistakes--especially when I overly rely on different applications versions of 'spell-check' to do some of the heavy lifting for me, but mostly I don't mind writing the way that I do, I don't pretend to be perfect, so why pretend that I communicate perfectly--I don't...
  ... Internal motivation has been a huge factor as well, I don't have the time to dig much into that--but, to say that I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up is mostly true--I've never become a fireman, a police officer, a cowboy, or an astronaut, and those were goals at one point in my life. I wanted to own and operate a pizza and sub shop--that didn't happen, I wanted to build picinic-tables and sell them from some remote little town--didn't happen, I wanted to be a primary-care physician, but when I began school I had a religious conversion to Christianity where my entire world-view changed in a very short period of time, and felt like God was letting me that I wasn't meant to be a PCP, so I quit secondary education almost as fast as it begun...
  ... resources were a big source of why I didn't go back to school until just recently, didn't have the money to be able to do school and do life with the responsabilities of being a husband and father, and the provisionary responsabilities that come with those jobs.  The VA benefits that I got along with my enlistment certainly wasn't enough to pay for school, plus things like rent, food, insurance, utilities, etc.  So resources were certainly an issue, as so is the availibility to access information... when I begain exercising the auto-didact in me I couldn't always access information that was relevant/neccesary to complete my own curiosity and understanding... information is a resource as much as money is...
 ... anyhow, I'm enjoying the mental stimulation provided by schooling... since I've been dealing with some cognitive-fluctuation over the past six-months or so I haven't been reading as much stimulating information as I would have liked, and it's probably been due to how difficult understanding can be from time to time, when the noggin isn't working fast or well enough to keep up with demands, it's really frustrating when it lasts for a season, not just an hour or so... the upcoming cubensis therapy with help with some of the cognitive issues, but reading design/creation theories in relation to atheistic and naturalistic theories has caused a bit of a traffic-jam in the ole' noggin... cheers  --  ct

  09-02-24:  Weird start to Sept, a long weekend for a holiday during the changing of the calendar. The weather is great, it's a beautiful day in Rockingham County... it's about 70, mostly sunny, an occasional breeze, not too much traffic going by the house... yeah man, nice day.

  Philosophy is kicking my ass, the reading is dense, and full of new names, time-lines, ideas, concepts, and vocabulary. Expanding our vocabulary for new pursuits can be a challenge... i'm halfway decent with English, but not so great at other languages, their words/names... so taking in a bunch of unfamiliar ideas/concepts/words/names and trying to sort through all of the information while not knowing what information will be required to demonstrate proficiency is a struggle. My noggin cannot retain the amount of new information that i'm consuming, so I have to try to figure out which part of the info is most important. I suppose I'll learn that over time, and probably be less anxious about grades as I begin exercising my mind, and setting better learning routines. I took almost a year off from reading REALLY heaving material--maybe a few exceptions during the year-- but, getting back into creation, various scientific laws, and historical people's names and theories has been a bit overwhelming. I am clearly not processing and retaining information with the efficiency that I was six months ago... some of it is physical stressors and distractions, some of it is unpredictable cognitive functioning, some of it is genetics, and i'm sure there are other factors as well.

  Christian Apologetics added into the Philosophy changes the dynamic. We are currently learning about the theories and observations revolving around the topic of our universe's begining, how it may have began, and whether the Abrahamic-centric religious claims of an intelligent designer/creator remains closest to reality based on scientific laws.

  As interesting as it is to read the theories of some of history's influencers, I'm more drawn to the 'why' of creation... why did God create the universe. He certainly used a great deal of His potential in doing so. He certainly demonstrated much of His abilities, and gifts. My bias toward Christian ideology and text makes the case for an intelligent designer a no-brainer, and no one published has made the case strong enough to challenge that, although many smart people have tried during their quest to understand reality. But my understanding God being a 'personal/relational' father-like figure is that God wasn't simply showing off Hid great abilities and intelligence, He did so to share the gifts of life/intelligence/free-will/creativity with a creation that will not only appreciate what was given to us, but will appreciate The Creator himself... not just in worship type of appreciation, but in a relational aspect as well. Parents care for our needs, and prepare us to be capable individuals that can navigate life with some success. Some parents try to help their children understand things about God as well, and to understand that God will help direct their lives to be meaningful and purposeful far beyond thier parent's capabilities. With a relational God, that requires the knowledge that God not only exists, created our universe, and is personally attached to His creation, right down to the individual. Prayer is nothing more than time devoted to communicating with God, and prayer begins when we know that God exists, and is personal enough to listen to us, and to even speak back to us through creation, or His spirit. Intentional communication with God requires us to approach reality on a level that many people are uncomfortable with, God already knows what's going on in our live's, but trying to understand it all, and how it should be positively effecting you, and for discernment in understanding things that don't make sense; He knows all of that already, and knows how to communicate with you in time, but we have to willing to approach reality whether we are fully capable of understanding it all, or unwilling to understand and accept reality at it's face. We pray because we know that there is a Source/God/Creator, and we know that God is personal enough to communicate with us. God communicates with creation because He is a personal/relational God that cares for His creation, and has shown us how to live sustainably through various ways over millennia.

  If you want to prove my theory wrong, you could try doing this extremely unrecommended experiment... see how long you can go doing everything the way that YOU think you should do everything, do everything at the speed in which you think it should be done. Conduct your life based on feelings, what you eat/drink, how much you sleep, throw away moral integrity, and any of the reasoning behind that. Quit praying, or even contemplating God, live your life as if there were no God... and then see how sustainable your life has become, how long you can go on for slowly drifting from reality... observe how meaningful you think your life has become... document it all.

  The truth is that we all do that from time to time, for various length seasons. We stray from reality by being hypocritical to our understanding of it, as we seek paths of little resistance, motivated by energy/exhaustion-levels and desires that we might subliminally be pursuing. I don't recommend my proposed experiment, but most of us experience that battle of us being our own God, and hopefully/eventually appreciating God because He is God, and He did things right, despite the many times we wished that we could have changed things/experiences.

  God didn't create this universe to complete a project in some science class; or to show off his skills to the guys, or to impress a girl... it's this purpose that I always go back to when reading the theorists bicker over who understands some aspect of reality better than others. Why? To utilize his potential to share life by creating more life... creating life that can birth to bring forth more life, in a sustainable universe created in a way which supports this life? To give intelligence, free-will, creativity, and access to necessary resources provided by more of creation. It's the 'Why' considerations that gets my attention when discussing creation. And, when you start to realize why, what do you do with this information, how do you apply it in your life?… seems like a long topic to ponder in itself.  A good place to start is with prayer, and a desire to seek reality in all aspects of your life--you should expect nothing less when communicating to the one who gave life--it's a commitment to entering into a relationship, what should be the most important relationship of your life, one with our creator/God.  Once you have taken that step, ask Him to teach you everything that you need to know about Jesus... as you'll come to see--it's quite important.

  The PHIL240 class is kicking my ass, lot's of reading to do on subjects that I haven't spent much time consuming. Lot's of names, and partial theories, date periods, and previous influencers... lot's of information to consume. Some of the difficulty is because people are speaking about topics that are only relevant for very small parts of conversation, unless you are an apologetist at heart. I like thinking about creation, but currently only under the context of 'why' God did it, not 'how,' 'what', 'when'... I already know the 'who', and that is God... unless we have completely different understandings of reality. -- ct

  09-02-24 later:  the next reading assignment in PHIL240 is much more relatable considering that I don't speak to hardcore creation deniers with any regularity, or folks who don't believe in God based on their need for empirical science to actually believe in God.  In "The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus" (Gary R. Habermas Michael R. Licona) part of chapter eleven talks about 'the problem with evil', when folks use the argument that a loving God wouldn't permit evil to exist in His creation.  Folks who have experienced traumatic events/circumstances also use grieving loss, or tragedy to seperate themselves from God and reality while contemplating many ways that their tragedy didn't have to go the way that it did, that God didn't intervene in a preferred way that would have changed the outcome for their better... the barrie is placed by man toward God... their book doesn't say all of this, it's just my observations.

  Unrelated to apologetics, when trying to discern evil from tragety, ask if was caused by ignorance, or selfishness... was the person who caused the tragedy actually in an active relationship with God, do you think they would have acted differently if they were... did they think they had the ability to do what they did successfully, but it didn't turn out that way... everyone is capable of delussion at some point (see Kruger Dunning paper), we are all falable of both over and under-estimating our capabilities, our sense of self is never perfect, especially when impaired by exhaustion, or self-induced via toxins... was the delussion that lead to the tragedy a reasonable mis-calculation... or was it planned... evil plans/schemes... some tragedies happen because people weren't more self-aware of themselves  or their surroundings, or the possible consequences of their actions, but some happen because of evil intent.  --  ct

Comments - Criticism